Occasionally I get an anonymous comment to one of my blog posts. And I see them on my friends' posts too. They are almost always negative, and very often -- or am I biased? -- grammatically incorrect, conceptually unclear, and misspelled. Okay, that part might be my imposing an overly-critical eye to people who won't fess up to who they are. But, seriously, I get annoyed. In a way I totally understand people wanting to be anonymous when they are going to say something negative. But, hey, I put myself on a limb to be personal here. If I didn't ever say anything frighteningly honest it wouldn't be interesting to read. And if you aren't willing to sign your name to something you say, maybe you shouldn't say it.
The creepy part is this: there is a limited circle of people who check and comment on my blog. Every time I get a negative "anonymous" comment, I naturally assume it's from some schmoe who just happened to stumble across my post. But in all likelihood it's actually one of my friends, whom I would never suspect could be so vitriolic. So every time it happens I invariably end up thinking about each of my friends in my mind wondering, "could it be him?" That's the part that sucks. I don't like imagining my friends saying those things. And I don't feel like I can ask any of my friends this lest I offend them (I'd be less than excited if one of my friends thought I had done it) (Except maybe not James. But I don't think James would ever feel the need to hide behind an "anonymous" tag, even if he were going to say something opinionated and un-p.c. In fact, I can only imagine James using the "anonymous" tag if he were going to say something that was p.c., boring, unremarkable and totally inoffensive.)
So... I have to assume it's strangers. Strangers who never post on my blog otherwise. Strangers who.... wait! Strangers are reading my blog? Now that's creepy.
ooooh! ooooh! I just had the creepiest thought of all! Maybe it's my husband, who never comments on here. I don't even know if he reads this. hmmmmm....
How does anyone else feel about anonymous posters. Does it bug other people too? Obviously, I "allow anonymous comments," so I think there's a place for them. But... I guess it seems like sometimes people feel that common decency isn't required if no one knows who you are. This just highlights the value, to me, of real interpersonal relationships.
Jared and I were talking the other day and I lamented that I didn't live in my childhood "hometown." I never run into high-school friends and have no around who has known me longer than about a decade. He was like, "you would want that?" We then speculated on what it must be like for some people we know who are grown up and married but attending their parents' church congregation. We both agreed we would hate it and we feel sorry for them. But it also makes me wonder if there isn't something valuable about a life-long community that we're getting away from now in our post-modernist, detached, individualistic culture. People used to grow up in a town from birth to death. People knew each other and watched each other move through phases of their lives. And along with that, people had to be careful with other people. People had to be careful of what other people thought of them. People were less inclined to go offending their neighbors unless it was for a cause they believed in. People cared about honor, responsibility, community, integrity. Sure, some of that was because of others and not from within, but does that matter so much? Isn't that how we learn?
These days everyone can hide behind something -- telephones, computers, other obligations. Everyone can move around and discard people and friendships when they're used up. Even marriages get discarded more often than not now. As if hiding behind a screen-name isn't enough, we can now hide behind an "anonymous" tag. And thus with the freedom of our newfound alienation we are alienating ourselves from each other. Is the freedom and individuality worth the cost?
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11 comments:
i hear ya sista.
seriously. what a great way you packaged those thoughts.
i'm just glad that i don't live in the town i grew up in... otherwise i'd be forced to marry some of those schmoes. YIKES!!!!!
i wouldn't mind going back... but living in one spot your whole life? i assume, if nothing else, it presents an interesting perspective on life. good for them.
as far as the anonymous thing goes, i'm with you on that too. i suppose it's a challenge for us though.
maybe we need to realize that maybe not everyone thinks we're as fabulous as we thought...? (that's just crazy talk)
it's something to think about about. we just need to not take those comments too seriously, for fear they might strike the beauty of our character.
i will say, i love you enough to offend you and sign my name by it. i think that's something real friends do... and it's actually a selfless act.
can't wait to read more thoughts on this one.
I'm hurt and offended that you would even suggest that I am the "anonymous" one. Ok...not really.
Oh, and by the way, your suspicion is correct - I don't ever read your blog. Ever. I'm not even reading it right now as I post this message...
Non-anonymously yours,
Jared
i thnk anonimus posters todilly suck.
I was just thinking about anonymous posters the other day. We share many of the same thoughts... and yes, I too wonder which friends of mine are posting! 'cause who else would read my blog? And then I wonder why they're so afraid to sign their name? Especially if it's not a negative comment. Maybe it's just easier for people to click "anonymous" than to actually sign their name... in which case, who among our friends is that lazy? And I'd like to think that our friends all have the integrity to stand by their comments... but I'm an idealist, I suppose.
I'm really glad I didn't stay in one town. Like Tam, I'm horrified at the thought I would have to marry one of the dorks I went to school with. Most of the kids I went to high school with never left Coeur d'Alene... and honestly, I feel really really sorry for them. On the other hand, they love going to the same ward as their parents, so there must be something to it!
I think everyone is a beautiful and unique snowflake. We are much more alike than at first it seems. We all have hearts and minds and dreams. We're all human beings, and we're all equal too. Treat others the way you want them to treat you. Kind actions and words help spread peace with ease. Tolerance, love, and trust are the keys.
Yep... looks like you were right about me.
I think it is extremely naive of you to think that only a few select people read your blog. One of your "closest friends" told me about this blog and I mostly read it to make fun of how stupid and asinine your blogs really are and why would I sign my name if you don't know me? There are many direct links on other blogs to this one so it seems to me that you are almost hoping people will find your blog and then you get overly sensitive to their anonymous posts. You can't have it both ways.
LOL. Need I say more?
Was that one a joke? It had to be.
oh, and you should consider getting a site meter. You can figure out a lot about the people who are reading you, and commenting.
I agree with "Anonymous" on one thing... there are many many many people coming to your blog, and mine. Just the other day I met a volunteer I work with, someone I have never met before. She said,
"Hey, I know you. I've been to your blog. You just came back from India, right? Yeah, really great photos."
And then we officially met.
I am fine with Mr./Ms. Anonymous coming to my blog. Not everyone has the desire or need to be as vulnerable as I am. My blog is for them too.
I don't think they're always hiding. (but yes, I think sometimes they are) They just found a place that feels good. Just like you found this place because it feels good. For some people it could be vulnerable enough just to comment at all... and there's no way they're going to put their name on it.
But yes, Skye, I sometimes do the same thing trying to figure out who the anonymous is!
I say, ouch!
and what the is a site meter?
I think I want one
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