Response to a family string about the lack of hearty discussions at church

So... I've thought much about the lack of real searching and honest answers to tough questions in Sunday School. It used to frustrate me to death. I've mellowed out some, partly because of what Bryce was talking about. There are so many for whom those discussions aren't uplifting or productive.

To me, I've made a distinction between what is good Sunday School fodder, and what is not (maybe I'll change my mind later, but for now, I think of it this way). Sunday School has a particular purpose: to uplift, inspire, and motivate. Church is more or less a support group for people trying to live The Way. Thus, church meetings are really designed to be forums for encouraging each other and reminding us of the principles that will help us. Sunday School is for the kinds of things you can talk about over and over and over and they will continue to help people come to Christ.

Most of the tough questions don't really fall into this category. Of course, I personally feel a great need to address them, I think most people feel that way at some point in their lives, and I think they should not be candy-coated or pushed under the rug the way they often are in church meetings. But I also recognize that these are things that don't need to be brought up for me over and over and over, the way we do with Sunday School topics. Most of them are things that I can spend some time with, and more or less resolve for myself, and I don't need to keep harping on them. That considered, they really aren't good Sunday School topics. We don't need to spend our rotating, repeating schedule on difficult, controversial issues. Some questions need to be addressed once in a lifetime. Others recur, but on an individual's own time. These are questions that I need to investigate on my own and come to an understanding about, not subject all the other people at church to, who are there expressly for the purpose of being uplifted and
motivated.

Now, that said, I will say that I think Sunday School panders too much to the weak of faith at the expense of the faithful and searching members. If some people at church need gospel "milk," and so that's what we get -- all day, every day -- it leaves those of us who wish to grow starving and emaciated. We grow up mutants with no backbone because we've never been fed "meat," only to stumble later. There is so much more to this gospel than we are routinely taught. Many of the deeper questions are not controversial at all, just a little more esoteric. And as far as topics that ARE controversial, in my personal observation, we lose more people to the LACK of real, honest answers than we do to the inability to cope with reality and honesty. I personally think that "the truth will set you free": if someone cannot handle open dialogue about our faith, I think they are living in a kind of fear.

That's NOT to say though that everyone needs or wants to go there. Some people are just of a different constitution and those questions hold no interest or intrigue for them. Some people's faith is such that they can easily accept whatever is in our church's history and they don't really need to know the details. Kudos to them.

The biggest problem in my view is in lack of tolerance for each others' different styles of faithful searching. "Intellectuals" feel outcast by a heritage of conservatism in church, which treats questioners as if their desire to search means they lack faith. We are defensive and adamant in our insistence that honesty is desperately needed and those who refuse to look with open eyes are fearful. We are afraid for our children because we know that someday they'll grow up to realize they've been fed a line their whole lives, and how will they find the true answers to their questions if they cannot ask them in church? "Non-intellectuals" feel looked down upon by intellectual "snobs" who treat them as if they are lesser, not as intelligent, not as faithful, and inferior. Both of these are stereotypes, but there is truth to them. If we "intellectuals" can be more loving, tolerant, and understanding of those who do not wish to spend their church time investigating problems, I hope they will be more tolerant of those who need to ask those questions, and acknowledge that there are many ways to view the answers.

This is part of the reason I'm so pro-Sunstone these last couple weeks. If you don't know, I just went to a symposium in Seattle, and it was the most inspiring, enlivening, uplifting and motivating thing I've been to that I can remember. Much more so than a typical church-meeting for me. I want to shout from the rooftops "The Church is True!" and tell everyone I know! It's a forum for those who have faith but want to discuss deeper gospel ideas. There is a real need for this kind of thing, and I think everyone should know about it. There are people there to help you, if you have questions. Of course, because there are lots of ideas expressed, I doubt if anyone would agree with all of them. But that's part of the beauty of it: everyone understands that everyone else has different ideas... and that's OK! (an attitude we don't get at church). Thus we can talk honestly and openly about our feelings, our ideas, our concerns, and be uplifted by each other without judgment or "The Right" answer being shoved down our throats "because Joe-of-the-Brethren said so."

Anyway, those are my many thoughts. Be tolerant and careful of those who don't think the way you do. We all have different needs. And hope they will be tolerant of you. There are loving ways of suggesting alternate ways of viewing things in Sunday School, which let others know that there is more than one viewpoint, without suggesting other viewpoints are wrong or inferior. :)

Love, Skye

Guess Who! A bit I wrote for the ward newsletter.

My visiting teachee is in charge of "Spotlight on the Family," a feature where they write about a family without disclosing who they are. People can guess who they think it is and next week the great secret is revealed! Anyway, her people fell through this week, so here I go to save the day:

Guess Who?:

He grew up in Eugene, Oregon, and escaped with just a few hippie-tendencies lasting into adulthood. She attended University of Oregon during her desperately-seeking-hippies phase. They may have been at a common singles dance in Eugene (we’ll see in the eternal replay), but certainly she wouldn’t have been interested in an 17-year old D.J. at the time (she was a ripe old 19) so their paths crossed unnoticed.

He later studied electrical engineering at BYU. She was concurrently at BYU, studying humanities. Engineers and artists don’t mix much, so again, their paths crossed unnoticed. They also both had college bands at BYU; his funk, hers folk. Again, no crossover.

After college, he pursued a law degree at Willamette University while she pursued a music career in Portland, Oregon. After exhausting the female resources in Salem, he began attending activities in Portland where she was living (getting warmer!). Her roommate had known him at BYU, and began inviting him around, and thus they finally met on the record. They became friends, albeit distant ones, both dating other people. They shared common interests like the outdoors and... well the outdoors... with a little music and art on the side.

One spring, when her ex-boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend announced they were dating, they became even better friends (ha! Take that, exes!). He invited her on a backpacking trip to Utah in order to hook her up with his college buddy who needed a girl. Success! She hooked up with the college buddy. So they became friends in order to talk about this college buddy. Soon it became very clear that she’d picked the wrong guy and after a month or so of secret longing and grueling silence, they confessed their undying love and affection for each other and fell kissing and weeping into each others arms (or... something like that). Then they called the friend with the (un)happy news.

He is currently a harried overworked associate at a Portland patent-law firm. She's an underpaid starving musician playing downtown clubs and haunts (she daylights as a paralegal so she can pretend to have a real job). They are happy to be in the Fanno Creek Ward, and they hope to wreak lots of havoc while they're here. The End.

Sunstone Weekend - "What? A whole bunch of free-thinking Mormons all in one place?"

Last weekend I attended a Sunstone Symposium in Seattle. I've meant to go to one of these for years, but never managed it. It just didn't sound that sexy, even though I knew it was likely to be "intellectually stimulating."

Now I'm married, and "sexy" has taken on a whole new meaning :)

It was the sexiest thing ever. I think I've never been so inspired and enlightened and motivated as I was last weekend. Speakers tackled subjects like:

• "Mormon Mantras: In eastern spiritual traditions, mantras are practiced to assist persons to overcome mindless, conditioned behavior and to align themselves with the divine. Do some Mormon cultural "mantras" - repetetive phrases and ideas that organize the internal lives of many latter day saints - serve the same liberating function? Or do they, at times, inhibit individual spiritual growth. Are there gospel mantras that could serve us better?"
  
• "Mary Magdalene: Bride and Beloved: Reclaiming the Sacred Union in Christianity"

Oh, and so much more. The mission statement of the Sunstone Education Foundation is "Sponsor of Open Forums of Mormon Thought and Experience." How many times have I expressed frustration at how hard it is to find people willing to talk in an open and honest way about the church and its role in our lives! Here was a whole group of people coming together to do just that. I can't even begin to express how cool it was or try to say what was said. Everyone should go to their website and download the free podcasts of the symposium. (www.sunstoneonline.com).

I want to be the new generation. I have wanted to sponsor open thought. Now I've found an organization doing it, and I want to join.

I feel like I just found the church.

And I want to tell all my friends.

THE CHURCH IS TRUE! Come join us. ... and if you have questions that aren't answered in Sunday School, well, come to me, baby. I know who will answer them for ya!