Nekkid

Recently one of my brothers was on his way to an ultimate frisbee game straight from work. He passes my house on the way, and often stops here to change. I was talking to him on the phone and he said he might just skip it tonight: he had just looked in his trunk and only had his shoes, but no shorts.

"Jaaaared!" I called across the house. "Do you have any shorts Bryce can wear for ultimate frisbee?" Jared did, of course, and I offered them to Bryce so he could still play.

He still hesitated, "I mean, I don't have a shirt either."

"I'm sure Jared has a t-shirt you can wear. Heck, I have a t-shirt you can wear. Come over!" I protested.

"Well... uh... it gets worse than that." At which point I had to snicker. No, actually, I laughed out loud. Then I said, "I could ask the question, but I'm not sure if you would even want to borrow any... thing else." He confirmed.

This caused me to wonder. I personally have either loaned or borrowed skivvies from a girlfriend or sister in need in the past. And I know that other women do this too, if need be. Not that it's probably anybody's favorite thing, but it's not that big of a deal either. We have washing machines, after all. Men, on the other hand, I think would generally rather die a slow, painful death than share anything that intimate.

When we were backpacking last May, the subject of sleeping naked came up. I asked Jared if he would ever borrow another guy's sleeping bag if he knew the guy had slept in it naked. "Never in a thousand million years" was his response. Which is funny to me. I mean, I understand, but it still makes me laugh. Men are so phobic about contact with other men.

Death Cab for Cutie has a song about "brothers in a hotel bed," their point being that two men in a bed will sleep stiff as boards and as far away from each other as possible. Me an' the girls? We just cuddle up together. It seems healthy and good, to me, to get physical attention and affection outside of sexual relationships. Sometimes I wonder if men and women are different this way because for men, physicality is inherently sexual, and so no contact is without connotations, or whether our culture so teases "sissy-boys" that men have become paranoid about what would otherwise be a healthy way for them to experience physical touch. Are men so sexual because it's the only kind of contact society allows them? Or does society only allow it because men are, truly, just more sexual about contact?

hmmm....

For All Things a Time and a Season

With marriage and having a baby comes a new lifestyle. I made all sorts of vows to be the kind of parent who wouldn't slow down, who wouldn't make others bend to my children's "naptimes," who would still travel, still go backpacking, still be hot, still gig on the weekends, still do many amazing things.

But my ideas about that are changing (as usually happens when you predict what kind of person you will be in a situation you really know nothing about). Yes, I could be all those things. But at what cost? Am I really more concerned about my seeing Machu Picchu or about Seville's happiness and well being.

There is a time and a season for all things, and I'm starting to realize that my life will be fuller, happier, more peaceful, more loving, more fulfilling if I simply accept that the time for certain things has passed, and a new time has come. A time for certain self-less sacrifices. But they aren't really sacrifices as much as I thought. What you gain is far more enlivening than world travel.

I am grateful, at this time, that I lived a pretty full single life (and childless married life). I can say I did lots of things. I have:

• Been to London, Paris, Germany, Belgium, Denmark, Mexico, Costa Rica, Hawaii, Alaska, New York
• Backpacked a fair amount in Southern Utah and the Northwest
  
• Been sent boxed roses
  
• Been taken to the Opera
• Gone on a date to Pier 49 and Ghirardelli Square, having ridden a train, a trolley, a limo, and a car all in one evening.
• Stayed up and watched the sunrise with a boyfriend
• Been kissed on the beach
• Dated a man almost 20 years my senior
• Dated a younger man
  
• Competed in a Latin Dancing competition
• Won a snowboarding contest
• Owned a surfboard, a windsurfer, rock climbing gear, snowboarding gear
• Stayed up until after 4 am with beloved girlfriends talking about men
• Had a long-distance relationship
• Played a regular ladies-night gig at a club downtown
  
• Become intimately acquainted with the sweat-lodge, the pipe ceremony, and the Peyote Ceremony
• Dated college athletes
• Dated college drop-outs
• Loved a man with long hair
• Been taken on a trip to the Ashland Shakespeare Festival
• Gone mountain-biking on Bainbridge Island
• Had a broken heart
• Broken some hearts (oops.)
• Had real girlfriends
• Rafted the Paquare River
• Climbed Mt. St. Helens and Mt. Hood
• Fit into size 6 shiny red pleather pants, and looked good (6 is pretty skinny if you're 5'10")
• Had a raging New Years Eve party at my house
• Had a record/production deal and a manager for my music
  
• Sung the national anthem at an NBA game
• Played the Crystal Ballroom, the Rose Festival, MusicFest Northwest, Been on a "Tour"
• Had a drink bought for me by an Oscar-nominated movie star
  
• Got a college degree
• Been camping in Alaska

For these things I have to thank Dale, Mike, Eric, John, Clif, Jared, Emily, Lumina, Michelle, Aimee, Andy, my Dad, Lisa, Jeremy, my Mom, Alex, Graham Greene, Arlin, Fernando, Mitchell, Dave, Tara, Sam, and myself.

Can I really complain at this point? I don't think so.

What have you done that you can check off your list?