And, bless his heart, he tells me this often. But there are two kinds of hot (especially when we are in bed):
There is the "I want to touch your body" kind of hot, and then there's the "I don't want to touch your body, keep it away from me, stay on your side of the bed, I like my sheets cold!" kind of hot. I often don't know which one he means. I know, I know... you'd think it would be obvious to me, his wife. But Jared is a subtle guy. He would tell me that I'm attractive or that he wants to get it on in the same dry manner that he would tell me that he wants me to stay on my side of the bed so he can sleep without my body heat disturbing his cool slumber.
...men...
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Monday, May 22, 2006
Sunday School Drivel
I have one of those "Dust-Off" cans of aerosol spray for cleaning electronics. It's on my desk. Sometimes, when I'm on the phone, I sit there and aerosol everything in sight... my keyboard, my calculator, computer speakers, remote control, stapler, tape-dispenser, anything else lying around.
When I do this, I feel totally OCD. But I can't do something audio without something visual to entertain me. I can't pay attention in church these days for that reason either. I've been in primary for the last year, and before that I always had one of those "busy" callings that meant you never actually sat for 3 hours of church. How do people do it? One hour of Sacrament meeting is about all I can take. By Sunday School, I'm not just doodling, I'm doodling and thinking of something other than what's going on around me.
Speaking of Sunday School... I agreed to attend a "member missionary" class last Sunday. Jared assured me the idea of this class was to teach about the new "Preach My Gospel" missionary guide, not to lean on us to get our non-member friends involved. When the teacher started, he whipped out the Preach My Gospel guide, and started talking about agency, and how our mission is to preach His gospel, not to force or pressure our friends into the church. He talked about how people all have their agency, and our measure of success in sharing the gospel should not be based on whether they accept.
"Harrah!" I was thinking. "Jared was right, they really ARE teaching abouthe Preach my Gospel book." (It's really cool, by the way. They really have changed the way they want us to think about preaching the gospel).
The teacher then proceeded to tell us how to set a date and have a goal that by that date we'll have a friend prepared to take the missionary discussions. (!) "Did you READ the book?!" I'm thinking. "Did you HEAR what YOU just said? Cuz you're totally contradicting yourself."
The poor leaders of the church are trying to get the members to get away from a numbers and goal-oriented way of pressuring people into sharing and accepting the gospel, to start following the spirit instead of some numbers-goal or word-for-word "lesson." And here my ward is NOT getting the point. They are just manipulating the new program into the old one with different words.
It's so typical and so disappointing. I used to be really frustrated with how slow change is in the church. I mean, I still am. But I guess I used to blame it on the "church leaders." Ha! Now I wonder who I was thinking were the "church leaders." I mean, there are lots of different levels of that, from The Big Guy himself, to prophets and apostles, all the way down to Bishops and Relief Society Presidents and even teachers and committee chairmen. We're all leaders at some point. Most of the change in church culture is slow because We The People are dense and set in our ways. We misinterpret the wishes of the higher-ups and can't bring ourselves to accept their humble advice. And then we can't bring ourselves to accept it as ADVICE! We run around acting as if everything any leader ever said is doctrine now (as if prophets haven't been contradicting themselves for YEARS on the finer points).
When we can settle down and realize that Christ's central message is THE message, that everything else is probably subjective or unknown, when we can be tolerant of each other, including our "leaders," when we can humble ourselves enough to take each other with a grain of salt... then I think we're onto something.
When I do this, I feel totally OCD. But I can't do something audio without something visual to entertain me. I can't pay attention in church these days for that reason either. I've been in primary for the last year, and before that I always had one of those "busy" callings that meant you never actually sat for 3 hours of church. How do people do it? One hour of Sacrament meeting is about all I can take. By Sunday School, I'm not just doodling, I'm doodling and thinking of something other than what's going on around me.
Speaking of Sunday School... I agreed to attend a "member missionary" class last Sunday. Jared assured me the idea of this class was to teach about the new "Preach My Gospel" missionary guide, not to lean on us to get our non-member friends involved. When the teacher started, he whipped out the Preach My Gospel guide, and started talking about agency, and how our mission is to preach His gospel, not to force or pressure our friends into the church. He talked about how people all have their agency, and our measure of success in sharing the gospel should not be based on whether they accept.
"Harrah!" I was thinking. "Jared was right, they really ARE teaching abouthe Preach my Gospel book." (It's really cool, by the way. They really have changed the way they want us to think about preaching the gospel).
The teacher then proceeded to tell us how to set a date and have a goal that by that date we'll have a friend prepared to take the missionary discussions. (!) "Did you READ the book?!" I'm thinking. "Did you HEAR what YOU just said? Cuz you're totally contradicting yourself."
The poor leaders of the church are trying to get the members to get away from a numbers and goal-oriented way of pressuring people into sharing and accepting the gospel, to start following the spirit instead of some numbers-goal or word-for-word "lesson." And here my ward is NOT getting the point. They are just manipulating the new program into the old one with different words.
It's so typical and so disappointing. I used to be really frustrated with how slow change is in the church. I mean, I still am. But I guess I used to blame it on the "church leaders." Ha! Now I wonder who I was thinking were the "church leaders." I mean, there are lots of different levels of that, from The Big Guy himself, to prophets and apostles, all the way down to Bishops and Relief Society Presidents and even teachers and committee chairmen. We're all leaders at some point. Most of the change in church culture is slow because We The People are dense and set in our ways. We misinterpret the wishes of the higher-ups and can't bring ourselves to accept their humble advice. And then we can't bring ourselves to accept it as ADVICE! We run around acting as if everything any leader ever said is doctrine now (as if prophets haven't been contradicting themselves for YEARS on the finer points).
When we can settle down and realize that Christ's central message is THE message, that everything else is probably subjective or unknown, when we can be tolerant of each other, including our "leaders," when we can humble ourselves enough to take each other with a grain of salt... then I think we're onto something.
Friday, May 05, 2006
Why the church ain't workin' for singles
(Personal discretion advised: it's very late at night and I might sound overly honest, opinionated, and ungraceful)
Several of my friends who are single all seem to have this constant battle raging in them: “Is the church right? Is it true? It’s so lame sometimes! Sometimes I can’t stand being associated with a lame church. Ugh.” etc.
Welcome to the club.
I suspect that the church is better and easier for married people, and here’s why: Married people learn a thing or two from marriage. They learn to roll their eyes and step forward when things happen that they don’t like. They learn to choose their battles. They learn that there is no such thing as perfect synchronicity in a relationship that is ever changing, because the people involved are ever changing. They learn that some things take a lifetime to reconcile, and they learn that some things just have to be let go. They learn that you can live with things you disdain, and that sacrifice is worth the reward. They learn that relationships have ups and downs, and that the downs don’t make the relationship “not right.”
I suspect some of my single friends have a hard time with the church for the same reason they can’t settle on a love partner: they have this idealized vision of what it should be like. The church should always be right, and true, and well behaved, and inspired. Any flaw is fatal (since the “right” church couldn’t have any flaws. That would make it not “right,” right?).
Sound familiar? It does to me. My idea of romance a few years ago is nothing like what I understand it to be now. I look back and laugh at myself then. What I truly, honestly believed to be romantic seems superficial and hollow to me, like the candy coating on an empty possibility. True romance is so much deeper and more fulfilling than I ever could have imagined then. And yet it is so much less... perfect.
I had to go through a major transformation of my expectations to be prepared for the step of marriage in my life. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that I “settled;” Jared is more perfect for me than I could have made up had I tried, but I certainly did have to adjust my vision of what I wanted for my future an awful lot to be open to the idea of him. Thank God.
And yet there are things I can’t stand about living with my lover, things that I might have considered “deal breakers” at one time. They seem so silly to me now. The power and joy that we share by committing to each other in order to accomplish great things together renders my adolescent vision irrelevant and childish.
People who are single, and roughly my age, have lived with the church long enough to get past the honeymoon phase. No longer attending EFY in the summers and finished with their BYU glory days, they are beginning to see how much of a hassle real church commitment is. They begin to see all the shortcomings of the organization, and the places where they disagree with the doctrine, and the proverbial dirty socks lying around the house. Without the benefit of marriage experience, I suspect they continue to wish for a honeymoon-like relationship with the church.
My relationship with the church, on the other hand, is not unlike the one I have with my husband. It is imperfect. It goes up and down. The church does stuff I can’t stand all the time, and sometimes I want it to go away, or I want to leave. Sometimes I roll my eyes and move on. Sometimes I vent at my girlfriends about it. I choose my battles. Some things about it will take a lifetime to reconcile. And some things never will, and I’ll just have to let them go...
Nevertheless, I love the church. Only with it, through it, and by it can I accomplish the dreams closest to my heart.
Even if sometimes it annoys me.
Several of my friends who are single all seem to have this constant battle raging in them: “Is the church right? Is it true? It’s so lame sometimes! Sometimes I can’t stand being associated with a lame church. Ugh.” etc.
Welcome to the club.
I suspect that the church is better and easier for married people, and here’s why: Married people learn a thing or two from marriage. They learn to roll their eyes and step forward when things happen that they don’t like. They learn to choose their battles. They learn that there is no such thing as perfect synchronicity in a relationship that is ever changing, because the people involved are ever changing. They learn that some things take a lifetime to reconcile, and they learn that some things just have to be let go. They learn that you can live with things you disdain, and that sacrifice is worth the reward. They learn that relationships have ups and downs, and that the downs don’t make the relationship “not right.”
I suspect some of my single friends have a hard time with the church for the same reason they can’t settle on a love partner: they have this idealized vision of what it should be like. The church should always be right, and true, and well behaved, and inspired. Any flaw is fatal (since the “right” church couldn’t have any flaws. That would make it not “right,” right?).
Sound familiar? It does to me. My idea of romance a few years ago is nothing like what I understand it to be now. I look back and laugh at myself then. What I truly, honestly believed to be romantic seems superficial and hollow to me, like the candy coating on an empty possibility. True romance is so much deeper and more fulfilling than I ever could have imagined then. And yet it is so much less... perfect.
I had to go through a major transformation of my expectations to be prepared for the step of marriage in my life. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that I “settled;” Jared is more perfect for me than I could have made up had I tried, but I certainly did have to adjust my vision of what I wanted for my future an awful lot to be open to the idea of him. Thank God.
And yet there are things I can’t stand about living with my lover, things that I might have considered “deal breakers” at one time. They seem so silly to me now. The power and joy that we share by committing to each other in order to accomplish great things together renders my adolescent vision irrelevant and childish.
People who are single, and roughly my age, have lived with the church long enough to get past the honeymoon phase. No longer attending EFY in the summers and finished with their BYU glory days, they are beginning to see how much of a hassle real church commitment is. They begin to see all the shortcomings of the organization, and the places where they disagree with the doctrine, and the proverbial dirty socks lying around the house. Without the benefit of marriage experience, I suspect they continue to wish for a honeymoon-like relationship with the church.
My relationship with the church, on the other hand, is not unlike the one I have with my husband. It is imperfect. It goes up and down. The church does stuff I can’t stand all the time, and sometimes I want it to go away, or I want to leave. Sometimes I roll my eyes and move on. Sometimes I vent at my girlfriends about it. I choose my battles. Some things about it will take a lifetime to reconcile. And some things never will, and I’ll just have to let them go...
Nevertheless, I love the church. Only with it, through it, and by it can I accomplish the dreams closest to my heart.
Even if sometimes it annoys me.
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