My childhood teddy bear has recently made a come-back in my life. For the first time in years I am attached to having him available and on my bed at night. I never had him around when I was single, and Jared pointed out that it seems counterintuitive that after I got married I would reinstate the teddy bear (I do, after all, have a man always in my bed available for the hugging now). I wondered about this for a few minutes and decided...
When you're single, lying lonely in bed, you can muster a vague hope of the un-found lover, the distant and mythical soul-mate, he who would would put his arms around you in this moment, if only he knew who and where you were. "Ah, someday..." and you can hold out hope and make the universe seem smaller, more intimate, more loving, like the universe is smirking at its secret for you and thinking to itself, "oh, just you wait little one, just you wait to see what I have got in store for you! you're gonna love it! oooh, I can't wait! But shhhh... just sleep now."
On the other hand, there is no loneliness like that when your lover is asleep next to you, and you're heart aches for his loving arms. There are no tears like those rolling silently down your cheeks into the still darkness, hitting the pillow unheard, unwiped away, their sobbs swallowed and silenced. There is no ache like the ache of someone only inches away. When you know the universe holds no secret answer to your heart's cry, there is no loneliness like that.
Enter Teddy.
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3 comments:
I have a little tiger with a heart collar on my bed here in Korea...I need him and my fantasy lover's arms at night.
Is that why Aud has that ratty old nasty koala bear tucked up in the corner?
Corky the Schmork a-lork. Third grade until the present.
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