But.... these rules were invented before the modern phonomenon of the "double-doors."
Almost every LDS church building has them. Most office buildings have them now too, including the one I work in. So I encounter this dilemma often.
The first set of doors is no problem: walk through it, say thank you. But two steps later I find myself staring at a second set of doors, and I'm thinking, "um... okay, he's behind me now because he just opened the first doors. What do I do now? Do I wait for him to come through and get these doors for me too?" Pros & Cons:- Pro: it acknowledges his chivalry and my gratitude for it.
- Con: I risk looking like a snobby woman who expects every man to open every door for her.
- Con: It's akward, standing there waiting while he shuffles by. I even have to step aside to make room like we're sharing a phone booth.
- Pro: it's a nod to old tradition and chivalrous ways, which I like.
- Con: I risk looking like a weak sniveling woman who thinks she might faint any moment or who wants to be dependent on a man. blech.
- Pro: less akward.
- Pro: I get to keep moving.
- Pro: demonstrates (as I said) that I am a capable woman and doesn't make me look weak.
- Con: Totally flies in the face of what he just did: "thanks, but no thanks, buddy. I can handle this myself, as you can see."
- Con: Doesn't this seem like the haughty woman just trampling on the polite men, whooshing by, flipping her hair behind her, and now I'm ahead of him in line, for the elevator, the DMV, the food, whatever else.
- Con: How rude! Shouldn't I, like, open the door for him now or something?
- Pro: Seems polite, on its face. He scratched my back, now I scratch his.
- Con: Weird! Girls don't open doors for guys. It might make him uncomfortable or make him feel, again, like I'm spurning his gesture.
- Con: That's really beyond the line, don't you think? Now I'm acting like he needs the door opened for him (he surely does not). But wait, isn't that what men think about women? I mean, I don't need the door opened for me either, but I appreciate it. But it's just weird the other way around!
And then there are the variables: sometimes it's my dad or my brother, sometimes it's my husband, sometimes a stranger, sometimes another woman. AAAAAaaaurgh!
Does anyone else have this problem? Does anyone have The Answer?
3 comments:
I'm a man and have women hold a door open for me almost everyday. Although I'm holding a cooler and have my hands full.
Then I enter the dilema. I feel bad because I was perfectly capable of opening the door myself. In fact I show that by opening the second door without any help and then I feel stupid for letting them open it the first time. But I open it with one finger and I'm not capable of holding it open in return.
So it's funny to read this because I've been wondering the same thing. I'm with you and don't really have an answer except to politely say thank you. Even sometimes they rush to open the second door and I really feel stupid.
Once it was a guy in a wheel chair holding it open for me. Another time an old lady who I saw from a distance where I parked needed help to just get out of the car. By the time I got to the door it was just behind her and she held it open as well. Well she parked in the handicap spot and had a 10 foot walk to the door compared to the 150 foot walk I had to make.
Even sometimes I find myself rushing to the door so no one can hold it open for me.
Okay. Here's what I do:
Allow the man to open the first door and thank him. Then I walk through, open the second door, and hold it and look back as if I'm passing the door onto him. As he grabs the second door I continue looking back and give him another thank you.
This is a second chance of gratitude!
Of course, the caveat for me is if I see a guy holding a cooler. Then I will hold the second (and maybe even the first) for him...
I agree with Tamara's system. Of course if it's somebody i know then I'll wait for the second door too with a playful smile. Then if it's a stranger it sometimes depends on the speed of walking through. I like the hand the door back with a thank you thing.
Post a Comment